Role-Play the Right Way

Breaking out of old roles isn't always easy.

Role-play: a simple and fun way to reboot a bedroom that's become predictable.

Role-play: a simple and fun way to reboot a bedroom that's become predictable.

Role-playing (pretending you and/or your partner are different people, in a different place/time) is a commonly overlooked way of adding a new dimension to sex. This could be because many people find the idea of playing pretend more awkward than sexy. Role-playing doesn’t have to be complicated or require any acting skills, but getting into a role certainly doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Adriana Velez from the Stir consulted with three experts on how best to get started with role-playing. Not all of the advice is fit for everyone (for example it focuses solely on male/female partners) but here are a few points we think are worth noting:

It’s okay to laugh 
Many of those hesitant to try it think role-playing sounds too silly to pull off with a straight face. But you don’t have to take role-playing seriously to be aroused by it; in fact, lightening up and having a little fun is part of the point!

From Sexologist Dr. Kat Van Kirk:

"A little chuckle here and there is normal," says Kirk. "After all, you are both seeing one another like you never have." Burton agrees. You want to lead with passion, but “work laughter and humor into it." Likewise, don't worry about getting it just right. "Just try to connect with one another," Kirk advises. "Trust that the dialogue will just come to you if you can get over the first couple of opening lines. It’s okay to be nervous. A little bit of nerves just adds to the overall excitement and spontaneity."

It doesn’t have to be complicated
Role-playing a fantasy can be as elaborate or as simple as you and your partner would like. If the thought of pretending to be a totally different person seems too much of a stretch, try something a bit more basic — like a new look. It’s amazing what a wig and a new piece of lingerie can do to make you look (and feel) different. When you feel different, it’s easier to start acting different.

Set a new scene
A change of scenery can spur the imagination — and we’re not talking about going to Paris. Surprise your partner by getting a hotel room, then surprise them again with a new outfit or toy. Arrange to meet after work at a bar or restaurant neither of you has been to — and pretend you don't know each other. Flirt for awhile across the room. New places can help bring out new sides of you and your partner.

Communication is sexy
You might be surprised at the kind of fantasies your parter has. That idea you’re too embarrassed to bring up might be something they think about too. Why not ask?

Beneteau recommends starting by spending some private time fantasizing. "Give yourself permission to look at what turns you on," she says. It could be anything. "Don't get hung up on the 'how' at this point," she says. “Focus on the ‘what.'"

Give it a chance
Anything you’ve never done before is going to feel a little awkward at first. But trying new things with your partner is one of the best ways to rekindle excitement. Remember the nerves you had on your first date? Embarrassment and arousal share a lot of the same wiring — and being embarrassed together can be remarkably good foreplay.

Give it 15 minutes. Kirk recommends sticking to an idea for at least this long. “If by the end it just doesn’t feel right for either of you, perhaps try doing something else, but if it does work, the action will probably go on a lot longer to the desired conclusion — if you know what I mean.”

You can read the full piece “14 Tips for Role-Playing With Your Husband Without Feeling Awkward” by Adriana Velez at thestir.cafemom.com

Abrasion Play

The humble hair brush: it also spanks and abrades!

The humble hair brush: it also spanks and abrades!

A slightly different twist on rough sex.

"#BDSM 101 – Abraison [sic] Play – #edgeplay" by Christina Mandara was originally published on christinamandara.wordpress.com

What is BDSM abrasion play? 

It’s using something rough in order to ‘wake up’ and sensitize the skin. When you consider that the skin is the largest organ upon our bodies, and typically in a BDSM scene you’ll be using only a tiny portion of this for your pain/pleasure play – it’s fair to say you might be missing out.

What is used in BDSM abrasion?

It’s not as mean as it sounds. You can start off with something as innocent as a hairbrush and if you use this over your volunteer’s bottom again and again – eventually it’s going to get very sensitive. If you keep going, just a hot breath or a single, light fingernail trail will have your sub jumping up like’s she’s been shot.

So, start from the beginning and work your way upwards. Bristle brushes, hair brushes, scrub brushes, emery boards, scourers, wire wool and sandpaper have all been used in abrasion play to redden and heighten the sensation of feeling in the flesh. Whilst only the masochists among you are going to head to the DIY store for the sandpaper and scourers, abrasion with a softly textured bristle brush can be exquisite. The build-up to sensation is just part of the fun.

If you’re going the whole hog and using some of the more ‘sterner’ implements, then your sub should be aware that you are probably going to leave marks upon him/her. Subs are usually very proud of their marks and cherish them as a constant reminder of your affection – but if you’re going to a family do and you’re wearing a spaghetti strap top – it’s probably not the best of things to do the night before the party.

Abrasion Play – Scene Ideas?

  • A soft, gentle awakening of the skin with a hairbrush before a spot of wax play?
  • Use the fine side of an emery board upon a pair of ass cheeks before bestowing them some loving attention with a gentle flogging, perhaps?

However you play, make sure it’s SSC and that you have your first aid kit handy, just in case. Remember that abrasion play can carry a risk of bleeding – so bear this mind and wear gloves to avoid the risk of contracting HIV or other STD’s.

Have fun ;)

The Myths of Anal

No, anal is not for everyone. But how do you know if you never try?

Does the thought of anal sex send you ducking for cover? Maybe it shouldn't.

Does the thought of anal sex send you ducking for cover? Maybe it shouldn't.

In a lot of ways, anal sex is like jogging. Some people swear by it, some people hate it, some people try it out a few times (and don't see what the big deal is) and a lot of people can't imagine why anyone would want to do it ever. For any reason. Ever.

Like jogging, anal sex can hurt if you don't do it right, but it shouldn't hurt at all. Like jogging, the more you practice anal sex, the better you'll get at it — and the more pleasure you'll derive from it. And, the truth is, like jogging, anal sex is ultimately not for everyone. Some people just aren't into it. And that's okay. But how do you know if you don't try? The misconceptions that swirl around anal are probably keeping many people on the side lines who could be enjoying a nice run in the park.

In a piece for Cosmopolitan, clinical sexologist Dr. Kat Van Kirk looks at ten of the biggest misconceptions surrounding the tender passage. The issue of pain understandably takes the top spot:

THE MYTH: It will hurt.
THE TRUTH: Anal sex doesn't have to hurt. It's often just done incorrectly. Many [people] find it incredibly pleasurable, and some even report having orgasms… If you and your partner start slow, work your way into insertion with smaller implements like fingers and sex toys and use plenty of lube, pain will be the last thing on your mind.

Dr. Kirk also advices against expecting anal sex to save a soured sex life (it's good, but it's not that good!):

THE MYTH: Having anal sex will save your sex life.
THE TRUTH: Yes, I have actually heard this in my office more than once. It usually has to do with a couple that has more than once sexual issue, especially a female who might be inhibited about her sexuality and it is getting in the way of her sex life with her partner. Some men behold anal sex as the holy grail and if they can just get their wives and girlfriends to partake then the floodgates (so to speak) about sex would open in general. Those other issues need to be worked out ahead of time and then if and when she feels open to the experience should they approach the subject. If she is just doing it out of fear of losing her relationship, she probably won't enjoy it anyway.

Read the full piece "The 10 Biggest Misconceptions About Anal Sex" by Anna Breslaw on Cosmopolitan.com

The Pitfall of Cheap Thrills

Super-cheap sex toys are often not the bargains they appear to be.

Can you spot the fake? It's not always so obvious...

Can you spot the fake? It's not always so obvious...

Sex toys can often be found deeply discounted from online sellers on sites like Amazon and eBay. High-end toys from Lelo and many other luxury brands can be found on offer for a fraction of their MSRP. The problem? They're pretty much all fakes.

Besides the obvious problems of this cheap merchandise being poorly made, short lived and not covered by warranties, knockoff products can pose a real physical risk to their users.

EJ Dickson from DailyDot:

The sex toy counterfeiting predominantly takes place offshore, mostly in China, where manufacturers are not held to the same production standards as sex toy makers in the U.S. This leads sex toy counterfeiters to substitute materials in their products with potentially unsafe chemicals like melamine, a chemical that is approved by the FDA for manufacturing purposes, but not for human consumption.

How does one avoid getting stiffed with a fake? Buy from a reputable seller and be wary of discounts that look too good to be true (most of them are).

See source link below for the full article.

Why Bigger is Not Always Better

Penis size: a little delusion goes a long way

Penis size: a little delusion goes a long way

Funny story: NASA had to change the labels on the sleeves male astronauts use to cover their members while urinating, because too many of them were grabbing the LARGE when what they needed was a MEDIUM or SMALL. And they were getting pee all over the spaceship. 

The solution? Change the labels to LARGE, GIGANTIC and HUMONGOUS. Funny, but also a little sad.

Men (even ones smart enough to be astronauts) are notoriously hung up on how hung they are - but should they be? Sexperts EJ Dickson and Nico Lang from the Daily Dot have at least seven reasons why the answer is no.

Read the full piece on dailydot.com (source link below).